burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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