i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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