omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i need some magic done to my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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