just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
