I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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