I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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