When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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