i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
