Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
