i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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