Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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