it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
