I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
