There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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