oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
