I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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