you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
