I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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