Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
