i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
