What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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