god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
