i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
