I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
