I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
