I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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