WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
