my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They took my balls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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