I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
