Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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