you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
