Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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