soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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