I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
