I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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