I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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