The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
