Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
