OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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