Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
