They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
