so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
