Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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