We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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