Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
