You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
