What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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