I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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