RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
