This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
please come you make the beer taste better
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
