Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
