Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I only lived at night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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