I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
