so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
