Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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