His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
