Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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