I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
