Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
