i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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