I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
