If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
