Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
