ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
