I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
