all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
