Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
