jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
