I skipped work to stalk him.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
