I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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