My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
