He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
