like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
