Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
