I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
