for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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