Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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