what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
