Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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