time to smoke my breakfast
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
