I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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