don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
