I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
