How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
