We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he puts the penis in happiness.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours