You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."