Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
