Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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