dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
