margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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