I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
