barbara walters just said penis...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
