take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
