do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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