if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
