you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
