I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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