My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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