party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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